What if you could squeeze an entire summer’s worth of adventure and exploration into one afternoon? What if you were allowed — nay, forced — to cram a season’s worth of scooped goodness down all in one go?

Enter Hansen’s Ice Cream Parlor, located on 30807 114th Street in Wilmot, Wisc.

The local ice cream spot — which is nestled in a homey, white house at the end of a nondescript suburban street — serves more than 24 flavors of Cedar Crest’s hard-serve ice cream. The flavors rotate (e.g.: a carrot cake flavor appears during Easter), but there’s always a unique selection.

That’s where the parlor’s 24-scoop flight of ice cream comes in clutch. For only $15, you can have the pleasure of trying 1-ounce scoops of flavors such as Shipwreck, Playdough, and New York Cheesecake.

We visited the dairy haunt in June and tried the flight, ranking each flavor along the way. The ranking is based on overall execution of the flavor in comparison to its official description, how much we wanted to order a full-sized order of it and a skosh of tastebud bias.

Here’s how the tasting shook out, from worst to best:

24. Birthday Cake 

Official description: Yellow cake flavored ice cream blended with cake pieces and sprinkled with multi-colored candy bits

Our description: Birthday Cake tasted like raw batter. Not in a tasty I-want-to-lick-the-bowl clean way — more in a salmonella way. 

This was truly the bottom of the (ice cream) barrel of choices; the flavor lacked sweetness and tasted like Laura Ingles Wilder went ham with the churned butter. To make matters worse, the cake folded into the butter-esque monstrosity was not quite offensive but dry and bland nonetheless.

 23. Playdough

Official description: Blue Moon ice cream sprinkled with multi-colored cookie dough pieces 

Our description: Playdough did not come to play: It had a weird texture, living up to its namesake in every capacity. 

This scoop tasted like a blue raspberry snow cone, as if cotton candy and half-hardened Playdough had an ice cream baby, taking the sweetness levels straight to the stratosphere. There were rainbow chunks of something — or, as Cedar Crest likes to call it, sugar cookie dough — but none of it was up to snuff.

Admittedly, someone half our age might have the sweet tooth for this flavor, but we’ve most certainly aged out of Playdough ice cream.

22. Superman

Official description: Blue raspberry, cherry and vanilla flavored ice cream

Our description: Superman has found his second Kryptonite … a pitiful ice cream flavor. Like, come on dude, if Jimmy Fallon can have a banger flavor — Ben and Jerry’s The Tonight Dough —  then an invulnerable man with super strength should be able to, too. 

Pathetic. 

Superman was a concoction of blue raspberry, cherry, and vanilla melded together, and it tasted like sherbet. That is, if sherbet was having an identity crisis and couldn’t commit to being sherbet, opting for an artificial, gumball-tasting flavor. 

None of the flavors were distinct enough to stand out, and they weren’t doing anything together except for maybe giving you a super-headache.

21. Strawberry Cheesecake Yogurt 

Official description: Cheesecake flavored yogurt with a strawberry swirl.

Our description: Maybe it was the fact that this yogurt wasn’t self-serve. Perhaps it lacked the whimsy of adding your own gummy worms, whipped cream, and popping boba balls. But the TikTok girlies will for sure not be getting Strawberry Cheesecake Yogurt as part of the trend to fuel their avoidant antics.

Cue “Promise” by Laufey. 

Strawberry Cheesecake Yogurt tastes like cracking open a cup of strawberry Yoplait, and it’s the closest flavor to straight-up strawberry you can find in a Hansen’s flight. And at that, at least, it succeeded. 

It’s when you introduce the cheesecake to the equation that the flavor starts falling apart (or should we say melting). It conflated yogurt flavor with being close enough to cheesecake, never truly committing to the silky wonders that true cheesecake would bring to the table.  

Nothing a few cheesecake bites folded in couldn’t solve, though.

20. Banana Cream Pie 

Official description: Marshmallow swirl and pie pieces in banana flavored ice cream

Our description: The banana cream flavor was there, absolutely, but it wasn’t particularly remarkable, skating by with a mild flavor. In the pie department, Banana Cream Pie flopped. With some graham cracker pieces — or any pie-like substitute — this flavor could have fully committed to the bit and its namesake. 

Yet, it just ended up tasting like a mild banana.

And let’s be honest … Bananas are mid. There, I said it.

19. New York Cherry

Official description: New York flavored vanilla ice cream with maraschino cherry pieces.

Our description: Sure, this might shoot our taste buds’ credibility in the foot, but we did not use proper sampling protocol for this 24-tiered taste test. There were no bites of granny smith apples or white bread between each bite.

Our description: We just blind taste-tested our little hearts out.

With this in mind, it was impossible to discern what flavor New York Cherry was going for — and this was only the third flavor we sampled. Even the stingiest of Febreeze commercials would agree that sensory blindness does not occur that quickly. 

Maraschino cherries were the star of this one, but the ice cream itself was not giving anything. Frankly, you’d be better off getting a scoop of vanilla with a cherry on top if that’s the vibe you’re looking for.

18. Cookies N’ Cream

Official description: Crushed cookies blended in vanilla ice cream

Our description: If your ideal afternoon snack is drinking a somewhat frozen bowl of milk cat-style, then this flavor is for you because it tasted far too milky.

There simply were not enough Oreos, and the softness of the cookies melted into the flavor in a way that was tasty but texturally one-note. 

Cookies N’ Cream is meant to be a banger — truly, it shouldn’t be that deep — but with Oreo or cookie dough topping, this might be a hit for all folks with the palate of Cookie Monster.

17. Firecracker 

Official description: Strawberry flavored ice cream with pop rock candy.

Our description: This was certainly an explosive flavor. For better or for worse. 

Firecracker tasted like whatever tutti fruity pretends to be but with pop rocks mixed in. It tasted like eating wet Nerds on a depressing rainy day. It made me question the state of ice cream flavors as we know it. 

But for tutti fruity fans, like one half of our sampling committee was, the fruity backdrop was tasty enough. The pop rocks added some dimension; unlike frozen M&M’s, which add little to no flavor and all texture, the mix-ins added texture without being difficult to crunch into. 

Think glorified sprinkles, not hunks of Jolly Ranchers.

16. Raspberry Lemon Sorbet Twist

Official description: Raspberry and Lemon twisted together sorbet.

Our description: We come again to what should be a pretty standard flavor on paper — or in a plastic dish, in this case.

Raspberry Lemon Sorbet Twist had that light, melt-on-your-tongue quality any good sorbet should strive for, its promising combo of sour lemons and rich berries was left wholly undelivered, making for an overall package that felt more blah and mushy than crisp and icy.

The raspberry’s unmemorable addition could have been salvaged had the lemon been able to meet the baseline-acceptable tanginess requirements for any good lemon ice flavor. 

Instead, you’re faced with two underwhelming fruit flavors that mush into a poor — but serviceable in a pinch — rendition of a sorbet.

15. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Official description: Cookie dough pieces and chocolate chips blended in cookie dough flavored ice cream.

Our description: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is the kind of flavor that Hansen’s flight is perfect for: an average, perfectly enjoyable flavor that would otherwise be a little too vanilla — pun intended — for a full order.

This take on the classic gives you the exact type of dough chunks you want to see: doughy, but not so much so that it breaks apart in the ice cream; grainy, but not so much so that it tastes artificial; and solid, but not so much so that it feels like you’ve accidentally swallowed a quarter.

The only catch? Break out your bait and tackle, since you’ll likely find yourself fishing for these all-too-elusive bits of doughy goodness.

14. Big Muddy

Official description: Dark chocolate ice cream with a caramel swirl and brownie pieces.

Our description: Big Muddy is aptly named, since after about five minutes of chilling next to its scoopy pals, it’ll be the first to melt into a sludgy … well, mud puddle. 

That being said, for being the most basic chocolate-adjacent flavor on a flight that otherwise lacks the standard chocolate/vanilla/strawberry triad, it’s more than enjoyable. Besides, whoever said being sludgy was a bad thing?

13. Orange Twister

Official description: Orange Sherbet swirled with vanilla ice cream.

Our description: Sure, this twister is short by one Glen Powell (we’ll see you in theaters, cowboy!), but Orange Twister is classic orange sherbet, with a (literal) twist of vanilla to give it a lovely orange dreamsicle flavor pairing.

It’s not a life-changing addition to the palette laid before you, but when so many flavors’ fruity aspirations have fallen short — looking at you, New York Cherry and Raspberry Lemon Sorbet Twist — it’s hard to complain about a dose of perfectly tangy orange to break things up.

12. Butter Pecan

Official description: Butter pecan flavored ice cream with pecans.

Our description: Butter Pecan knows it’s working with good ole butter and — get this — pecans and accentuates it. Its blend of creamy butter ice cream with crumbly nuts that pack a surprisingly salty punch provides a perfect back-and-forth that leans into its simplicity. 

With that said, it might have benefitted from using a bit richer, more buttery — pun intended — custard. Still, it’s understandable to expect a one-size-fits-all consistency for a local ice cream shop, and it’s a well-executed reprieve from some of the flight’s more outlandish offerings.

11. Chocolate Peanut Butter Ecstasy 

Official description: Chocolate ice cream with peanut butter and thick fudge swirls and peanut butter cups.

Our description: How do you mess up a combination of chocolate and peanut butter? The answer? You don’t. Well, you kind of do, but not enough to offset the base-level greatness of Chocolate Peanut Butter Ecstasy. 

The flavor’s central combo is hard to pass up, and the richness of Hansen’s ice cream gives both flavors a nice weight to them. At the same time, it’s disappointing to stack this flavor up against aspects of alternatives that improve upon and add dimension to these basic concepts. 

Namely, adding in the saltier and more flavorful nuts of Butter Pecan and the delicious fudge from Pothole Mackinac Island Fudge would have elevated this to a top-tier flavor. But then again, you’ll probably be too busy stuffing your face with chocolate and peanut butter to complain.

10. Dirt Cake

Official description: Broken sandwich cookies blended into vanilla flavored ice cream with textured chocolate swirls.

Our description: Cookies N’ Cream but grown up doesn’t even begin to sum this bad boy up. 

If the flavor’s fudge swirls and Oreo pieces didn’t automatically pique your interest, then the vanilla pudding base should. It gives the ice cream a heavier feel that will tickle your taste buds, even in the moments when you don’t get a piece of chocolate or cookie. 

This makes for a unique, balanced and downright interesting flavor, and it’s the kind of treat that makes Hansen’s well worth recommending.

9. Mint Chocolate Chip 

Official description: Green mint flavored ice cream with chocolate chips

Our description: Mint is hard. There’s spearmint, peppermint, little-candies-that-you-get-leaving-a-restaurant mint and — worst of all — toothpaste mint. So when taste-testing any mint ice cream flavor, you can never be too sure whether it’ll slide down smoothly or blast your gums with dental destructiveness.

Hansen’s Mint Chocolate Chip, though, is the ideal version of mint ice cream. It’s got a healthy dose of sweetness — helped in no small part by the well-portioned chocolate pieces — but it’s balanced with enough mintiness to make it stand out from the crowd, making for a well-executed flavor that will leave your taste buds in mint condition.

8. Coconut Explosion

Official description: Coconut flavored ice cream with chocolate covered coconut pieces, coconut flakes and chocolate covered almonds.

Our description: While our feelings were … mixed on this one, suffice to say that if you get coconut, you’ll get this flavor. 

Rather than being a full scoop of what might amount to little more than just “coconut sherbet,” Coconut Explosion feels like generic vanilla ice cream that’s been, well, exploded with coconut. The way that the flakey, crunchy coconut bits blend into their creamy confines is nothing short of magical. Don’t let the coconut critics dissuade you from missing out on a top-tier flavor.

7. Rainbow Sherbet

Official description: Lime, orange and raspberry sherbets swirled together.

Our description: Now, here is a flavor that fits the summer aesthetic to a tee (even more so if eaten during Pride Month!). Rainbow Sherbet isn’t revolutionary, but it does its job exceedingly well all the same. 

The sherbet is creamy enough to differentiate itself from the sorbet but also light and dairy-free enough to stand out among all the basic ice cream schmucks surrounding it. The different flavors mix together into a fruity concoction, one that’s well worth sampling, even for those who aren’t diehard sherbet eaters.

6. Black Cherry

Official description: Black cherry flavored ice cream with black cherries.

Our description: We know what you’re thinking. “What, another fruit flavor? Is this an ice cream shop or a produce aisle?” and 1) after eating this much ice cream, some fruit probably wouldn’t kill you and 2) unlike some of its other fruity contemporaries, this is the (cherry) bomb dot com. 

Black Cherry provides a subtle, jazzy flavor for samplers to puzzle over. That is, minus some regrettable cherry chunks sprinkled throughout, which probably could have been happily sacrificed in order to give the flavors more time to be savored.

5. Amaretto Mackinac Island Fudge

Official description: Amaretto flavored ice cream with a thick fudge ribbon and old fashioned fudge pieces.

Our description: If there’s one thing that always makes ice cream better, it’s fudge. These words to live by apply to three out of our top five spots and for good reason.

The almond-y amaretto flavor is a constant baseline of subtle sweet, and the simple combo of fudge ripples and ice cream are enough to make for a wonderfully balanced ratio of ice cream to topping.

Basically, fudge for the W.

4. Rocky Road

Official description: Chopped almonds in chocolate ice cream with a marshmallow swirl.

Our description: Real ice cream enjoyers know that there are two types of Rocky Road. The basic stuff, with stiff chocolate ice cream, gross foamy marshmallows, and a whopping four whole nuts, and Rocky Road, the stuff that legends are made of.

Creamy, rich ice cream? Check. Soft, swirly marshmallows? Check. Large, flavorful nuts? Check and check. Only when these different elements are combined as one do you get the full, rocky picture. Rarely have we tasted such a seamlessly delicious take on Rocky Road, and it sets a new standard for an already-beloved flavor.

3. Peanut Butter Mackinac Island Fudge

Official description: Peanut butter flavored ice cream with a thick fudge ribbon with chocolate peanut truffle pieces

Our description: When we reach a certain point on this list, the flavor names begin to speak for themselves. Here, already-delightful peanut butter ice cream is overloaded with a smorgasbord of killer toppings, least of all our old friend, the fudge. 

There’s always a concern with such a stacked cast of mix-ins that the flavor’s overall identity will be compromised, but no dice here. Peanut Butter Mackinac Island Fudge successfully walks the fine line between plain and overcrowded, and it does it with style. 

Even if this hadn’t stuck the landing, “chocolate with peanut butter” and “complaints” do not belong in the same sentence, anyway.

2. Pothole Mackinac Island Fudge

Official description: Dark chocolate ice cream blended with brownies and swirled with thick fudge ribbons.

Our description: You know a flavor is good when your first thought upon consumption is, “This should just be the default chocolate flavor!”

Pothole Mackinac Island Fudge proudly concludes our fudge nepotism era. You can only say “chocolatey goodness” so many times before the phrase loses its meaning, and we would be remiss in using such tame language to describe a flavor so wholly committed to its mission statement. Some flavors attempt to pull off a chocolate overload by simply overdoing the number of toppings, but this flavor simply embodies chocolate, plain and simple. 

Translation: Two scoops, please!

1. Shipwreck

Official description: Vanilla ice cream with a sea salt caramel ribbon and candied almond splinters.

Our description: While it may have been an arduous process choosing between flavors to fill in the other slots, there was never much competition for our top spot. Like a sunken ship brimming with Spanish galleons, Shipwreck tastes like 24-carat perfection from the very first bite. 

Hansen’s usually-reserved caramel portions are tossed to the wind, and the flavor is flooded from port to starboard with delicious caramel and crunchy clusters of nuts. The result is a scoop that transcends the earthly tethers of ice cream and becomes an instant favorite — one well worth wrestling Davy Jones himself for a spoonful.

(For more information about Hansen’s Ice Cream Parlor,  go to www.hansensicecreamparlor.com.)

-July 20, 2024-